Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Banned From Wal-Mart
After Mr. And Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women, and loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot Tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillancecameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it Right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them In if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.10. November
10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN !"
And last, but not least
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot Tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillancecameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it Right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them In if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.10. November
10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN !"
And last, but not least
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Worth Reading !!! Funny or.. is this Reality ??
*Ant & Grasshopper* OLD VERSION *
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. *
*Ant & Grasshopper* Modern Version*
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant ' s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
*NDTV, BBC, CNN * show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper allowed suffering so? *
Arundhati Roy ** *stages a demonstration in front of the Ant ' s house . *
Medha Patkar** *goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.*
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan *criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The *Internet* is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) . *
Opposition MPs *stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. *
Lalu Prasad *allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ' Grasshopper Rath '.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' *Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act ' *[POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.*
Arjun Singh *makes '*Special Reservation *' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant; fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes; its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ' *A Triumph of Justice* ' .
Lalu calls it '*Socialistic Justice *' .
CPM calls it the ' *Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden *'
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the *UN General Assembly*.
*Many years later*
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in * Silicon Valley *.
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...because of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, * India is still a developing country!
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. *
*Ant & Grasshopper* Modern Version*
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant ' s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
*NDTV, BBC, CNN * show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper allowed suffering so? *
Arundhati Roy ** *stages a demonstration in front of the Ant ' s house . *
Medha Patkar** *goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.*
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan *criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The *Internet* is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) . *
Opposition MPs *stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. *
Lalu Prasad *allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ' Grasshopper Rath '.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' *Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act ' *[POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.*
Arjun Singh *makes '*Special Reservation *' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant; fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes; its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ' *A Triumph of Justice* ' .
Lalu calls it '*Socialistic Justice *' .
CPM calls it the ' *Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden *'
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the *UN General Assembly*.
*Many years later*
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in * Silicon Valley *.
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...because of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, * India is still a developing country!
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